By DOUG EMERSON
A truly effective coach not only hears what his/her coachee is saying, they also hear what the person is not saying. Spoken words in a coaching conversation communicate information; but unspoken messages can provide deeper insight into issues, emotions, and motives.
Being a great listener in a face-to-face coaching situation is difficult enough. But in today’s virtual environment of instant communication, what does one have to do differently to be a great listener and achieve real communication? The key is learning how to listen with your third ear.
Only 7% of Communication Relies on the Words Themselves
Research tells us that the overall effectiveness of communications is based
- only 7% on the words used
- 38% on the tone of voice and sounds
- and a whopping 55% on body language!
Listen To What They Are NOT Saying
Virtual communication requires focusing on the 38%, because, when you are not physically with a person, you must rely on non-visual cues to provide increased understanding. Your intuition will serve you well here, and you activate it when you begin to listen with your third ear. Use the third ear to listen between the words you hear by focusing on:
- Pauses
- Sighs or hesitations
- Tone of voice and inflection
- Pace of speech
- Energy level and animation in the voice
- Level of commitment to taking action
So What Should You Do?
Pay attention to your own intuitive hunches. If your third ear is collecting impressions about something you think might be important to your coachee, try saying something like, “I don’t know where this is coming from, but I sense a lot of apprehension in your voice. Are you feeling afraid?”
Practice sensing non-verbal cues and exercising your intuition as much as possible. Validate the accuracy of your hunches by checking them out with others and asking for feedback.
For a coach, trusting your ‘third ear’ is one of the most important steps you can take to develop your virtual listening skills and become a truly great listener.



![[del.icio.us]](http://www.partnershipcoaching.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/delicious.png)
![[Digg]](http://www.partnershipcoaching.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/digg.png)
![[Facebook]](http://www.partnershipcoaching.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/facebook.png)
![[LinkedIn]](http://www.partnershipcoaching.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/linkedin.png)
![[MySpace]](http://www.partnershipcoaching.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/myspace.png)
![[Reddit]](http://www.partnershipcoaching.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/reddit.png)
![[StumbleUpon]](http://www.partnershipcoaching.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/stumbleupon.png)
![[Twitter]](http://www.partnershipcoaching.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/twitter.png)
![[Email]](http://www.partnershipcoaching.com/wp-content/plugins/bookmarkify/email.png)

On April 29, 2009, The Atlanta Coaches Group sponsored the fourth annual Prism Awards. Nominees for this prestigious award must demonstrate that they believe passionately in the power of coaching as a transformational force in organizations and its positive impact on bottom line results through:
